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Love for Scars

April 18, 2010
tags: ,

I am sad, saddest I have ever been,
As tonight I go for a long walk;
On one of the busiest city highways,
Cars rumbling, with no one to talk;

I know not what troubled me today,
Even to this second as I write this raw;
So much so that my eyes got blurred,
Despite the lights, only black I saw;

Dark were also the times when I saw,
Myself failing as a friend and a son;
When I failed the entrance exams,
And to get a job and get out of one;

But today is different than it had been,
Today I don’t clearly know the reason;
Knowing not why the tears roll down,
I stand alone, hopeless, feeling numb;

It is weird because I also feel happy,
In this one little corner of my heart;
Probably I feel what others don’t,
As they run pushing their bullock cart;

I realise something as I stand alone,
To be happy look at life from afar;
The closer you go to understand it,
You will come out with a deeper scar;

Lo! Happiest is the man, who is insane,
For he alone lives his own reality;
Then a person who does not care,
Who shares his hidden brutality;

Tonight it’s unusually dark and cold,
I sit listening to the chilly winds roar;
Happiness is for sure not my cup of tea,
It’s the scars that I am struggling for.

– A dedication, Amit Deshwal.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. April 18, 2010 07:25

    so beautiful, i hugged myself all the way through! ahhhhh! 🙂


  2. 1markt permalink
    April 18, 2010 07:44

    The sixth stanza is a great summation of the attempt to grasp life after being left with the feeling of futility. I have been there and done that. Good piece that makes plain the subtleties of the intangibles. I would like to invite you to 1markt.wordpress.comm if your time will permit it and if moved please leave a comment. I might suggest “Hid the Dead”, “What I Have Become” and “The Sands of Time”.
    Marcus T.


    • Consty permalink*
      April 18, 2010 08:13

      Thanks Marcus! will be glad to go through the suggested poems.


  3. bachcha permalink
    April 18, 2010 13:39

    Wonderful yaar


    • Consty permalink*
      April 18, 2010 14:41

      thanks bachcha.. hope u r doing great..


  4. April 18, 2010 14:51

    mast hun yaar


  5. sr! permalink
    April 18, 2010 16:04

    laziness has its beauty, isn’t it! see, there is someone who will put the effort – for you…
    thanks for writing exactly how i feel dude!!!

    the best part is:
    ‘It’s the scars that I am struggling for’
    good to see that you are scarred! congrats…

    second best part: ‘looking from far’. one can’t understand that unless one goes through it…

    ‘In this one little corner of my heart;
    Probably I feel what others don’t’ –
    you would be surprised as to how many people relate to whatever you have said above. honestly, it both feels great to see that someone else also sees the complicated abstractness of life as you do, but at the same time you feel disappointed coz you think these thoughts are unique to you, but they are not 😦


    • Consty permalink*
      April 18, 2010 16:34

      Wheew i myself cld nt see the depth you saw man..
      kidding.. 🙂

      I am glad i was able to give words to ur thoughts man!

      I was motivated to write this poem… and my motivation here more than ‘complicated abstractness of life’, was what i expressed in second last stanza… its scary to see people, including me, running after such happiness.

      I don’t know if you have read ‘City of Joy’. I think i can better understand what that Father in the book was trying to do when he left everything to live in the slums.


      • sr! permalink
        April 19, 2010 03:48

        havn’t read ‘city of joy’. will probably read it now.


  6. harshita wadhya permalink
    September 21, 2010 13:35

    i really like this one. it’s beautiful!
    i think it was probably this one you were talking about when once we were discussing about poems and you said you really like one poem u wrote.

    i wish all of us do a poetry reading session when we meet in december in tapovan. many in the group write poems and it will be fun if we read our poems to each other. u should read this one definitely.
    can’t believe that u write so well. ha ha..


    • September 21, 2010 14:08

      good to hear from you.. wo bhi yahan 🙂 thanks for the appreciation.

      I saw this old hindi movie Baiju Bawra recently, where this poet tries to compete with Taansen. His guru tells him to go deeper and find that sadness in himself and then will come out the real beauty through your voice.. I don’t really know what he meant, but I believe something like that had happened that night

      so the poem did not come out of real me 😉


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